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John Wayne: Russia and Ukraine in a Squabble over Drowned Dam, Folks Bracing for the Deluge

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Alright, time to mosey on over to the news of the day.

  • Major dam in the south of Ukraine gave way, causing a ruckus with floods washing over the nearby villages and putting crops and drinking water at a risk.
  • Both Ukraine and Russia are pointing fingers at each other over the wreckage, each claiming the other blew up the dam.
  • Thousands of folks are being evacuated from the danger zone on both sides of the border.
  • Dam failure could whip up an ecological disaster, harming critters and plant life around.

Now, let’s get down to the tale.

There was a dam, mighty and tall, like The Quiet Man’s pride, standing guard over the southern parts of Ukraine. But come one fateful day, it gave in, causing a flood worse than the time Big Jake McCandles had to deal with cattle rustlers. Villages were swamped, crops in danger, and folks worrying about their next drink of water.

It’s like a scene out of El Dorado, but instead of bandits, we’ve got a dam’s worth of water running wild. The Ukrainians are saying the Russians rigged the dam to blow, while the Russians are blaming the Ukrainians for some heavy artillery fire. Truth is, it’s as clear as a dust storm in Monument Valley.

President Zelenskyy of Ukraine is calling it the worst man-made disaster this side of the Mississippi in decades. His words are carrying the weight of Rooster Cogburn’s badge, but the truth of the matter still seems like a horse that’s bolted.

Folks are scrambling to safety, with their pets and whatever they could grab. It’s a sight that would shake even the likes of Col. John Marlowe. Thousands are being moved out of harm’s way by trains and buses, though there’s still no word on any casualties.

The dam’s ruins are as visible as the bullet holes on Liberty Valance’s vest. A whopping 1,900 feet of the dam’s wall is gone, like it’s been wiped off the face of the earth. This whole debacle is adding a new twist to the ongoing war, like the time we found out who really shot Liberty Valance.

Both sides have their stories. The Russian Defense Minister says Ukraine was trying to stop a Russian advance, while President Zelenskyy reckons the Russians were trying to thwart a Ukrainian counterattack. Experts, though, are saying the dam might have been neglected, much like how folks in Rio Lobo neglect to use their turn signals.

This whole mess has got folks as worried as the time Hondo Lane was cornered by Apaches. Wheat prices are soaring, and folks are worried about their farms and food supplies.

President Zelenskyy is saying the Russians triggered a blast inside the dam, putting around 80 settlements at risk. The Russian side, though, is saying Ukraine did it to cut off water to Crimea. Either way, the situation’s worse than the cattle feud between the McLintocks and the Douglas family.

Now, to add a cherry on top of this whole disaster, the Zaporizhzhia Nuclear Power Plant, which is bigger than McLintock’s ranch, is partly reliant on water from this dam’s reservoir. The good newsquote(“The Zaporizhzhia Nuclear Power Plant,”, “can last for months, according to the IAEA”)

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